(unedited. little writings and scribbles I needed to get out)
Dear Reader (or perhaps dear you),
There’s many things I’ve wanted to say. I just didn’t know how. I’ve fantasised giving you a verbal takedown. I even rehearsed my lines, writing them word for word in a dusty old notebook. It made my mind as ease to know what I wanted to say, the things hidden in the depths of my soul. Violent things like the stab, stab, stab of my heart. But also the things I didn’t want to admit myself, the things I couldn’t.
I’d make you feel how I felt. Hurt. Pain. Heartbreak.
I did all those things, so many times, in my head. The scenarios, talks with myself and the questions asked.
‘He wasn’t right for me,’ I’d say, knowingly. ‘He didn’t get me,’ I’d say, unknowingly.
Then I’d see you at the bar, looking happy, unfazed…changed. And add ‘I didn’t mean much then, he’s the same boy who tore me down and built me up to only tear me down even more.
All I ever was to him was a toy in a constant state of broken.’
I love who I am now. I’m no longer a toy, but me. An introvert. A writer. A traveler. I’m happy because I know me, the real me. The one that was lost of a time. But you have a part of me. A part that’s still missing. A part that will always be yours.
I see you clearly for what you are now- you’re no longer a blur but perfectly clear. A clear mess of confusion.
Of loneliness and regret.
Of whiskey kisses and starlit wanderings.
Of whispered secrets and unmade sheets.
A lost soul,
an unclear path.
But, you hurt me. Twice.
That pain is gone.
It disappeared a while ago.
I know longer feel hurt by you and I no longer feel pain. Like the extraordinarity of a monsoon in summer, I’m refreshed. I’m soothed. I’m the North Star in the sky of a thousand glinting stars, giving direction, yet being it.
Instead, I want all your dreams to come true, I want you to be as happy as I. And more than anything, I hope you’re becoming you (the real one)
If you have any questions or would like to contact me please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or leave a comment below.